Both Eyes Fixed

So I'm in Suzhou with my friend Tim. Since there's not much to do at night in the rain, we decide to check out the pubs. Now pubs in China are nothing at all like pubs in Canada. Jason and Austin, I really really miss going to the Cat & Fiddle for some pub grub after practice on Saturday nights. I found myself in strange company in this pub (Whiskey Jack's)

I'll set the stage for you. There's an amazing cover band singing all English songs and singing them really well. They even took requests.

So the waitresses come over and ask to play pool and darts with me and Tim. Tim's playing darts with Annie and I end up playing pool with an art teacher from the Ukraine named Chiba and an engineer from Belgium named Sebastian. The rest of the room is full of Chinese guys and girls until these three slick Italians walk in and pull up a seat a little way from my table.

Carol, the other waitress seems to be flustered that they're hitting on her, so I ask if she's ok. She then asks me if I'll pretend i'm her boyfriend for the evening. Naturally I said no, but she's welcome to play pool with us.

Well, the Italians can't hit on her anymore, so they get bored and come over to play pool too. Now, I'm not one for promoting stereotypes, but I almost laughed when the one guy introduced them.
"I'm Geseppi, he's Geseppi and this is Fabio." Suddenly I had a real craving for pizza and pasta, but the pub food was pretty good for the time being.

So, later in the evening, I decide to play the old Canadian trick and I tell the waitress that it's Chiba's birthday. A few minutes later I hear the band play the opening and this situation unfolds:

Singer- "Today is a very special day and I'd like to call up a very special person. Is Chiba in the room?"

Chiba-"What??!!?! What did I do?"

Singer-"Come on up here Chiba, we'd like to sing happy birthday to you."

(keep in mind the stage and the pool table are at opposite ends of the pub, so there's an elevation of voice and the whole bar is silent and curious)

Chiba-"It's not my birthday! Who said it's my birthday?"

Singer-"Come on up Chiba, don't be shy."

Chiba (getting nervous and frustrated)- "No, it's not my birthday. My birthday is July 1st. Same as Communist Party of China. Who said it's my birthday?"

Singer-"Ok then, who said it was Chiba's birthday."
(thankfully most of the patrons don't understand English very well)
Ian-"Wo cuo le. Dui bu qi. Bu hao yi si." (I was wrong, sorry, I'm very embarassed.)

Chiba then turns to me and asks why I would do such a thing. Apparently he's never been to Kelsey's or East Side Mario's in Canada. Don't worry, things were smoothed over when I requested "Hey Jude" for him and we all sang at the top of our lungs as he did the Ukrainian art teacher in China dance.