Both Eyes Fixed

2005-07-08T19:10:00.000-07:00

You ever have one of those things that you're absolutely sure about? What happens if you got proven wrong? Was I really proven wrong? If I made the right decision, then why does this weight feel heavier? Where's the relief indeed!

2005-06-23T21:20:00.000-07:00

"Actions speak louder than words."

This is especially true when the actions and words don't match up.

2005-06-15T21:41:00.000-07:00

A while ago, a dear friend reminded me "Don't make promises you can't keep" and more specifically, "Don't say things that you can't back up with action". Good advice.

On another note, that was a HUGE comment a couple entries back by a guy I don't know named James.

2005-05-05T19:16:00.000-07:00

For those of you who are concerned about the punch in the stomach, don't worry. I was checking out a new gym in town and there happened to be a Tae Kwon Do club attached to it. Needless to say, I had to go check it out with a friend of mine. He suggested sparring with one of the black belts for fun. (yeah, fun) It was all my fault, I jumped in way too fast and too close.

But don't worry, I kicked him in the side at the same time.

2005-04-27T17:39:00.000-07:00

Where's the beef?

The beef's right here baby. Here it comes... I've realized that a growing number of people in Canadian and Chinese culture have bought into the "American dream". I'm not actually sure if I'm really talking about the American dream or not, but that's not the point, so calm down. HERE is the point... Too long have I listened to the words of ungodly people. They define contentment and ambition by the standards of Hollywood. What bothers me the most is that many Christians are buying into this too. Can I remain silent while they judge the lives of others by a worldly measurement?

A man neglects his children and his marriage to climb the corporate ladder. He doesn't care to discern whether he's standing on other people's shoulders or stepping on other people's toes to reach his goal. He burrows himself deeper into the hole of selfism and sin....
They label him "ambitious" and respect him for it.

A woman chooses to be a homemaker and take care of her children while her husband works to support the family. She gives up possible career dreams to cook, clean and change diapers, yet she is content knowing that she is rearing her own children and taking care of her family....
They label her "complacent" and mourn at the loss of her career potential.

A couple works hard to earn their living and save some money. They spend a little and save a little so they can buy the things they need along with the things they want. They eat out at nice restaurants and have toys than they are able to play with. As they walk by the young mother begging for change on the street, they feel a hint of compassion that is quickly replaced by remembering that they worked hard to get to where they are. They go to church and hear about the needs of missionaries and unreached nations, but they quickly remember that they bought a new couch and TV last month and can't really afford to give money away. They console themselves because someone else is sure to meet the need and hey, at least they've been tithing....
We envy their freedom and marvel at how "content" they are.

"Am I buggin' you? I don't mean to bug you, honey." -Bono

2005-04-26T20:32:00.000-07:00

Today I got punched in the stomach for the first time in 5 years. I'm gonna have to start doing sit-ups. It hurts more than I remember.

2005-04-18T19:26:00.000-07:00

Soon I will have access to a computer of my own and internet access too!! Then I can blog all I want... will it be more frequent than it has been? Stay tuned to find out.

On another note, give me a topic and i'll blog about it.

2005-04-05T20:18:00.000-07:00

My bike got stolen while I was at a prayer meeting! I am pretty disappointed. However, I can take refuge in the thought that if I find the person who stole it, they're going to be much more disappointed than I am now. What? I can't do that? Oh... I'll just pray for them.

2005-03-20T18:59:00.000-08:00

I'm experiencing a little bit of homesickness. I'm not sure if I just miss Canada or my family or the people I know. But I definitely feel a bit of a disconnect with those I care about. I guess it's to be expected when I'm so far away for so long.

God bless you Anton for taking time out of studying to see how I'm doing!

2005-03-19T18:43:00.000-08:00

I find myself often wondering what people say about me behind my back. This year I have heard MANY things that people have said behind my back. Many of those things were great things that I didn't mind hearing. Other things I'm sure were never intended to make it back to me.
I'm not sure what's worse, people saying bad things about you behind your back, or neglecting to say good things about you when someone else is saying the bad. Thanks to those of you who believe the good.

I have recently found out that many people find me very hard to get to know. Interesting. I'll try to be known if you try to know me.

2005-03-19T16:54:00.000-08:00

Many Christians often miss the point.

"The Christian life doesn't start with Jesus and then graduate to something better. The true Christian starts with Jesus, stays with Jesus and then ends up with Jesus."-Ron Dunn

Sometimes I miss the point.

2005-03-13T06:40:00.000-08:00

I need a better blog. Maybe other people don't think it matters about the colour scheme or how nice it looks, but I actually think I'd enjoy blogging everyday more if my blog looked nice. I should add some pictures or something too. Here's the problem, I know what I would want it to look like, but I don't know how to make it look like that. I know, calm down, I used to be a multimedia major, right? Yeah, well, see.... I never really got into HTML and web design. My strengths were graphic design and 3D design and animation.

Besides, I quit MMedia and moved on to Religious Studies a long time ago. I suppose that helps me out a little more in my current position, *ahem*, but c'mon, doesn't everyone like really cool looking blogs?

2005-03-07T20:09:00.000-08:00

I've done it again. Somewhere in this computer is a secret link that shuts out all good emails from all of my email addresses. I think I clicked that accidentally and now all I receive is emails about business related things and a whole lot of junkmail. I can no longer receive emails from people I want to hear from. I don't know what to do... does anyone know how to shut this feature back off?

2005-03-06T20:34:00.000-08:00

I guess everyone has these days, so I know everyone can identify with these feelings. I wake up in the morning... actually, come to think of it, it doesn't really matter what time of day it is or how tired I am... and I walk to the fridge looking for the milk. I open the fridge and look in every part of it on every shelf. I move the milk to the left so I can look behind it for the milk. Then I see it's not there, so I move the milk to the right and check there. This is when I turn around with the fridge door still open and look at the table and then the kitchen counter with a really confused and hopeful look in my eyes. Disappointed I look back to the fridge and move the MILK around a bit more looking everywhere for the MILK. Then while staring at the MILK, I yell to the person in the next room, "Where's the milk?" and they tell me it's in the fridge. Suddenly my eyes come to focus and I feel like a complete idiot, but I can't let them know, so I don't say anything at all.

Well, I don't know if it's my roommate's computer or server or IE or what but this situation is almost the same as me not seeing the milk. "Cannot Find Server" or Web Page Not Found or whatever garbage it replies. C'mon, can't find HOTMAIL????? It can't seem to find any web pages AT ALL lately unless I am persistent.... very persistent.

I just need my mom to say to the computer, "If I come in there and find that server and it's right in front of you......"

2005-03-05T17:56:00.000-08:00

Have you heard of Skype? I just used it for the first time yesterday. It's an internet phone that works for free. As far as I can tell, it's better than using MSN voice chat. I talked with Darren in Burlington for 40 min and it was really really clear and not much delay. I mean, I've had actual phone cards from Canada with more delay than this. Check it out www.skype.com

Today I got my first fully Chinese email from a Christian girl I met three years ago. I was pretty happy to be able to read most of it, except the KEY POINTS!!!! Too bad they don't teach you Chinese Christianese in school.

2005-03-05T17:41:00.000-08:00

I miss playing guitar with other people. I only brought one guitar with me here and even if I bought another one I'd have to teach someone how to play it, which probably doesn't fit into my schedule at the moment. I also miss having my own computer so that I can record music and do multimedia stuff. I wonder if I can just put together a cheap one around here. Maybe I should just wait to buy a notebook.

Does anyone know if they have some good cheese that doesn't have to be kept cold that might last a mail trip from Canada to China?

2005-03-03T21:13:00.000-08:00

Ok, I thought I was getting used to being an obvious foreigner in a generally homogeneous country. I thought that I had already become accustomed to random "hello"s from people who are so far past me that they should be saying "good-bye". I was pretty sure that I'd had my fair share of high school kids yelling "nice to meet you!" from across the street where they are too far away to know if I even speak English, let alone go through a formal introduction. It's commonplace for me to see many wide-eyed little kids run toward their parents when they see me so they can point back at me and tell their parents "kan nei ge wai guo ren" (look at that foreigner).

Today was different somehow. Maybe it's because I've lost weight and was wearing nice clothes. As I walked out of the import food market, an 8 yr old looked up at me and just fell over backward. As I was walking down the street, about 6 or 7 girls who looked to be about university age came rushing up to me giggling and asked for my autograph. Do I look like somebody else? What's going on here?

In other news, I've turned comments on for my blog so my faithful readers can bug me to be a faithful blogger. Thanks Jason.

2005-03-02T01:29:00.000-08:00

So I'm in Suzhou with my friend Tim. Since there's not much to do at night in the rain, we decide to check out the pubs. Now pubs in China are nothing at all like pubs in Canada. Jason and Austin, I really really miss going to the Cat & Fiddle for some pub grub after practice on Saturday nights. I found myself in strange company in this pub (Whiskey Jack's)

I'll set the stage for you. There's an amazing cover band singing all English songs and singing them really well. They even took requests.

So the waitresses come over and ask to play pool and darts with me and Tim. Tim's playing darts with Annie and I end up playing pool with an art teacher from the Ukraine named Chiba and an engineer from Belgium named Sebastian. The rest of the room is full of Chinese guys and girls until these three slick Italians walk in and pull up a seat a little way from my table.

Carol, the other waitress seems to be flustered that they're hitting on her, so I ask if she's ok. She then asks me if I'll pretend i'm her boyfriend for the evening. Naturally I said no, but she's welcome to play pool with us.

Well, the Italians can't hit on her anymore, so they get bored and come over to play pool too. Now, I'm not one for promoting stereotypes, but I almost laughed when the one guy introduced them.
"I'm Geseppi, he's Geseppi and this is Fabio." Suddenly I had a real craving for pizza and pasta, but the pub food was pretty good for the time being.

So, later in the evening, I decide to play the old Canadian trick and I tell the waitress that it's Chiba's birthday. A few minutes later I hear the band play the opening and this situation unfolds:

Singer- "Today is a very special day and I'd like to call up a very special person. Is Chiba in the room?"

Chiba-"What??!!?! What did I do?"

Singer-"Come on up here Chiba, we'd like to sing happy birthday to you."

(keep in mind the stage and the pool table are at opposite ends of the pub, so there's an elevation of voice and the whole bar is silent and curious)

Chiba-"It's not my birthday! Who said it's my birthday?"

Singer-"Come on up Chiba, don't be shy."

Chiba (getting nervous and frustrated)- "No, it's not my birthday. My birthday is July 1st. Same as Communist Party of China. Who said it's my birthday?"

Singer-"Ok then, who said it was Chiba's birthday."
(thankfully most of the patrons don't understand English very well)
Ian-"Wo cuo le. Dui bu qi. Bu hao yi si." (I was wrong, sorry, I'm very embarassed.)

Chiba then turns to me and asks why I would do such a thing. Apparently he's never been to Kelsey's or East Side Mario's in Canada. Don't worry, things were smoothed over when I requested "Hey Jude" for him and we all sang at the top of our lungs as he did the Ukrainian art teacher in China dance.

2005-02-27T18:33:00.000-08:00

Man.... you go to all the work of typing out a big blog entry, and blogger just eats it.

2004-12-11T20:44:00.000-08:00

How many days do I wish that I could read someone's mind? If that wish could be granted, would I wish I had never asked for it in the first place? If someone asked you how they could serve you better, would you be able to tell them? I'm not used to being served.

I know that love always serves, but is serving always done in love? A man's role is to sacrifice his own needs and desires for those of another. Stay, one might be hurt. Walk away, both might be. No wonder people put up walls.

2004-12-09T18:49:00.000-08:00

I can't stand talking with people who don't listen. I'm guilty of this sometimes too, so I'm sure I've offended or hurt other people in this way.

Some people think they're good listeners. They sit there and listen until they hear what they were waiting for and then respond to it. That's not being a good listener.

Being a good listener is not thinking about your response until you're sure you've heard what the person is really saying. Good listeners can figure out what the other person is trying to say even if they can't articulate it.

So please..... if you want to bother talking with me, either let me listen to you, or try and listen to me. If not, I don't want to talk with you.

2004-11-30T03:00:00.000-08:00

Sometimes I get frustrated because there are problems that I can't solve. They say that women just need someone to listen to their problems, but men always try to solve them. Ok, men... stop trying to solve women's problems... or at least listen first and then try to solve them secretly when they're not looking.
Women... why? Why in the world would you just want someone to listen and not do anything about it? Are you assuming that if the man tries to solve the problem that he wasn't listening or caring? Is it at all possible that part of caring involves solving too? Granted, alot of men try to solve before they finish listening and THAT usually doesn't work. However, I've actually had SEVERAL girls admit that they "don't want someone to try and solve my problem, I just want someone to listen and understand it." (note: not all women are like this, ok? ok.)

Shall we break that down?
-I don't want someone to try and solve it: if it's been solved, I can't talk about it anymore.

-I just want someone to listen: and not respond?

-I want someone to sypmathize with me: so... you tell someone, and they really understand and feel your frustration or pain. Shouldn't that make them want to solve it more?

2004-11-04T17:39:00.000-08:00

I have often heard it said that in a love relationship, the woman wants to feel cherished and the man wants to feel needed. I suppose this is mostly true. What would happen if the woman made the man feel that she needed him to cherish her? Hmm.

It's hard to blog when your on the other side of the world.

2004-08-31T19:20:00.000-07:00

Tonight I wept. I never weep... or seldom do. I can't even explain why. Maybe I'm overwhelmed. It's hard when I believe in something and am passionate about it and other people don't feel the same way. It's hard when I think that everyone should have a priority to reach the lost, but many people who are close to me don't have that priority. I now begin to understand when missionaries say that support raising can be a very discouraging time. I know I'm just discouraged for the moment, but right now it feels like I'm in this all alone. God's there. I need stronger faith. I need to keep both eyes fixed on Christ.

2004-08-29T11:52:00.000-07:00

What does it take to make someone's day? A simple smile, a kind word, a gentle touch...
Would it get tiresome, or could I make that someone's day everyday?

2004-04-17T20:57:00.000-07:00

Last night a friend of mine asked me if I had any thoughts or opinions about George W. Bush. I told her I didn't have anything significant to say.
She replied, "What?! Most people would jump on an opportunity to speak their mind about him to someone else!!"

That's because most people are misinformed. I'm simply uninformed.

2004-04-17T12:11:00.000-07:00

Some people out there are intellectually superior to me. There are others that are intellectually inferior. Amen.

2004-04-16T19:19:00.000-07:00

What is it with people in Canada? You ask someone if they're free to do something three weeks from now, and they say, "I don't know, I'm not sure what's going on that day." The ideal thing that would follow would be to check and find out. But that never happens, and they don't get back to you. They really don't want to commit in case something better comes along between now and then. That's fine if you don't really want to do something, but why not just come forward and say so? Why beat around the bush with a misleading "I don't know my schedule" remark, if you're not planning on knowing your schedule? It's almost as if you're being "stood up" ahead of time.

2004-04-06T12:48:00.000-07:00

I was recently asked by a friend a question that has surfaced in many debates. "Did God create man, or did man create God? You can believe whatever you want if it helps you deal with life."

After thinking about this for a short while, I realized a few things. If God didn't create man, then something else must have. I know that I did not create myself. I think it is safe to assume that man did not create himself. Nothing can create itself, since the act of "creating" has to be initiated by some "creative force". That force must come from something that already exists. Therefore, something that existed before man was responsible for the beginning of man.

If we assume that man created God, then we are inferring that God did not create man. Something else must have created man.. the most common belief is evolution. If evolution made man, what does that mean? Evolution includes the idea of "survival of the fittest". Since cultures have believed in God for thousands of years and some people still do... does that mean that belief in God is one of the "fittest" attributes of man? Maybe not, but at the very least we can say that it is not an unfit belief. It's hardly an intellectually responsible statement to call belief in God a "crutch".

2004-03-16T18:47:00.000-08:00

It seems only appropriate that as soon as I determine to begin a new habit, that circumstances arise to specifically frustrate that decision. I am speaking of blogging in particular. My hard drive is damaged and inaccessible, which has made it impossible to use my computer. Oh well, problem solved.

I’m amazed at all the fuss over the Passion of the Christ movie. I’m especially amazed at the amount of people who were sure that it would be a catalyst in the proliferation of anti-Semitic sentiments. What amazes me even more is the fact that many people, after watching the movie, STILL believe this to be the case. I have seen it twice now and have tried to remain as unbiased as possible (which is a fruitless endeavor to be sure, but I won’t go into that now).

The fear is that the movie shows that the Jews killed Jesus. The facts are simple. The understanding that the Jews killed Jesus is an unwarranted interpretation of history, of the Biblical Gospels’ account of history, and of Mel Gibson’s movie. For now, I am only speaking of the movie. If you want proof that the Bible isn’t anti-Semitic, don’t wimp out and look to my opinion for an overview. Read it yourself. Chances are, Christian or non-Christian, most of us haven’t truly read the Bible.

Let me outline some of the Jews in the movie that nobody could confuse for the antagonists. Jesus himself was Jewish. Mary the mother of Jesus was Jewish. Jesus’ closest friends, John and Peter were Jewish. In the trial before the Jewish leaders in the middle of the night, it is two of the leaders who oppose the trial and speak of Jesus’ innocence. Simon of Cyrene, the man who helped him carry the cross when he was no longer able to carry it was specifically labeled as “JEW!” by one of the Roman soldiers. The woman who brought her cloth and water to him along the way to the hill was Jewish. These were the Jewish characters that were focused on in the plot. Does it not seem ironic that out of all of these mentioned, only one was absolutely determined that Jesus needed to be crucified. There was only one of these mentioned who was completely willing to let Jesus be crucified. That Jew was Jesus, himself.

Oh, of course there was Caiaphas, the high priest. He was not determined to kill Christ until he heard what he had been taught was blasphemy. According to his religious tradition, a blasphemer was to be put to death. So, Caiaphas was within his beliefs to think Jesus deserved death. There was the Jewish “mob” who seemed bloodthirsty, but they (at least in the movie) were spurred on by the ‘piety’ of Caiaphas. Some would say that the Romans killed Jesus, and I suppose literally they were directly responsible for the physical actions causing his death. However, Pilate was not eager to kill him. It seems only a handful of crude soldiers actually enjoyed punishing and killing him.

I do not think that the movie was anti-Semitic or that it promoted such sentiments. If someone was not anti-Semitic when they walked in to the theater, it is unlikely that they would be when they walked out.

The question remains then, who actually was responsible for the death of Jesus? If not the Jews, then who? In any execution, who is most responsible for the death? The judge who sentences? The jury who condemns? The executioner? Where does responsibility lie? Did my sins kill Jesus, or was it Jesus who made the choice?

2004-03-03T21:54:00.000-08:00

Last night I watched The Passion of the Christ. I'm still formulating my opinions about it. Things have been very busy lately, but when this week is out of the way, I will definitely have something to say. I'm going to see it again on Friday night.

2004-02-28T21:04:00.000-08:00

In the last couple of weeks, I have had numerous friends and acquaintances encouraging me to start a blog. Apparently I have much to say about certain issues. Personally, I think that I am not a preacher, but a conversationalist. I don't articulate thoughts well enough to write monologue. I'm much better when I have someone who challenges my thoughts as they are spoken. It helps me clarify what I'm really trying to communicate.

I suppose that trying to keep up with this blog will either provide me a venue to learn how to articulate my thoughts more precisely, or it will end up being a very drawn out online conversation. To avoid the impression of a false dichotomy, I suppose there is also the option of both things happening simultaneously.

Admittedly, I am very opinionated, but so are you….I think everyone is. The ones who are labeled “very opinionated” are either more confident in their opinions, or more verbal. They usually verbalize these opinions in black and white terms. I realize that this is frustrating to people who live in a world where we often prefer to see things in a grayscale. Black and white is puts a limit on the number of options we have. We don’t like limitations on options, because it forces us into limitations in choices and the consequences of those choices. I already mentioned false dichotomy: the assumption that there are only two possible choices in a given situation. I have noticed that many people are guilty of the opposite kind of fallacy. They try to exceed the limit of possible outcomes. Fear of commitment….fear of limitation….fear of making a choice.